Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
