Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
dude. I can hear the air.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
