Yo dont text me then not text me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
