uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
