I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
