so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
