Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
