My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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