There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
