...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
