Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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