he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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