we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
