Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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