If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize