I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
