Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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