This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
