I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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