I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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