I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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