Your face is a jimmy john
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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