barbara walters just said penis...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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