It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Is it penis luge time yet?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
