Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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