once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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