why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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