The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I stole a fireplace last night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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