Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
