It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
