shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
