When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
