My underwear smells like fireworks.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
