I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
