I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There's always time for handjobs
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
