How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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