EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
