You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
