I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
