Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
