I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
