I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
