Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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