this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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