as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
