I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
