You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
