i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
