Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
