my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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