oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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