i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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