Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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