I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
