I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Randomize
