Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
zippers are such a cool invention
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
