Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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