It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize