I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
