Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize