I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
