Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
