remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
