I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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