A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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