rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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