you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She bit a glass in half.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
