I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
