Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize