I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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