people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
