So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
