There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the condom got lost in my hair
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
