Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
