Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
