Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I love having hate sex.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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