I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think my vagina is haunted
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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