Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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