So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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