Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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