Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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