This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
