The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
