Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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