i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize