if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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