he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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